


When I Was Older

by krixxm



Category: Portal, Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, at least here, carolines a mess its okay i promise, chells a big softie too, lets see how long i can go without mentioning big dumb sphere by name, wow first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 09:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25967596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krixxm/pseuds/krixxm
Summary: Caroline opened her mouth to complain about the sphere miles above them; but opted not to. She wanted to scream. She’s been wanting to scream for fifty thousand years, but she can’t find a reason to. Not here. Not now. She wanted to get back to the surface, back to the mainframe, back to to who she grew to be so comfortable as. She missed the power, the soft heat of the processors, the silence.But that was three hours ago.(This is just. A little AU I have where "hee hoo wheat thin doesn't put GLaDOS in a potato, now she's Caroline again" but with some spice. Unsure exactly where this ones gonna go, i'll update the tags as i move on)
Relationships: Caroline/Chell (Portal), Chell/GLaDOS
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	When I Was Older

Cold.

It was cold in her chamber. It was damp, and messy, and so, so cold. Aperture hasn’t had a central heating system since ’63. It was too expensive. She remembers the day He cut it. Something about astronauts and lawyers and “We’ve got way better things to worry about, Care-bear! It’s not like those testers are gonna get cold anytime soon!”.

God she hated that nickname. And yet, it felt good to have one. Fifty thousand years in a computer and no one ever called her more than a machine. But she wasn’t in that machine anymore. Thanks to the idiot they had just flung into orbit; she was breathing again. Some sort of backup failsafe the lab boys came up with if anything went wrong, which, a lot went wrong; and yet they never went through. To be fair, what would you rather do? Computers can be programmed to forget. Computers don’t have feelings. Computers can’t look at you with seething hatred that can only come from the deepest hurt in the world.

“Computers are easy, actually.” the woman muttered to the test subject 2 miles below the surface. “You just need to know how they work”. The subject wasn’t listening. Instead, she kept flipping switches and pulling levers to the outdated pump station. 'Did she ever listen?' Caroline thought as the entire building rumbled. She remembers when they invented the gels- the good, bad, and deadly. “You know, that blue paint bit back there wasn’t a bit. That actually happened. We killed a lot of people back then. It was a genuine accident at first, but we needed some way to make those poor souls too stupid to test think they were actually contributing something.” For once, Chell actually seemed taken aback by what was just said. She knew Aperture was deadly and she knew the woman in front of her was complicit; but she honestly never thought she’d hear her actually admit it with such ease. They locked eyes for a moment. “What? Surely that can’t be surprising to you. Just be glad we got it fixed.” A heavy sigh floated through the room. The pumps buzzed to life, and the facility rumbled again. Caroline opened her mouth to complain about the sphere miles above them; but opted not to. She wanted to scream. She’s been wanting to scream for fifty thousand years, but she can’t find a reason to. Not here. Not now. She wanted to get back to the surface, back to the mainframe, back to to who she grew to be so comfortable as. She missed the power, the soft heat of the processors, the silence.

But that was three hours ago. Three hours, two near death experiences, and one moron ago. The facility, Her facility, was crumbling around her. The test subject, Her test subject, was unconscious on the wet floor, and there was nothing she could do. Her chassis was nearly ruined, and the mainframe wasn’t responding to any commands. And yet, she still couldn’t scream. Somehow, this felt right. Somehow, she was okay with this. 'Christ, Care, there’s no way that you actually miss this', she thought. Caroline thinks a lot. She always had a way of getting swept up in her daydreams; but she didn’t think she would ever yearn for this. She sat on the cold tiling, back slumped against a shattered panel; keeping a close eye on Chell’s breathing. She was still out cold. The older woman found some peace in matching her own breathing to the freckled face across from her. She wonders how long it’s been since she’s slept, really slept. Stress free, peaceful, relaxing sleep. She laughs at the thought, and then pauses. She glances off to the side, when a new though pops into her head. 'What if you stayed like this?'

She once had a life outside of this metaphorical prison. But the irony faded fast. Nights out with college friends and diner dates that never went anywhere turned into overtime shifts and naps at her desk. Her family eventually stopped asking her when she would come home. For all Caroline knew, they were dea- “Oh”. She shook. She traced the scrapes and bruises and scars covering her hands as the overwhelming realization that fifty thousand years have gone by and she never got to say goodbye. She never got a happy ending. She never got an ending at all. She deserved better than that, right? 

Right?

She’s not sure when the tears started flowing, but she didn’t plan on letting them stop any time soon. Silently sobbing to herself, she finally opened her mouth to scream. She didn’t want to go back to the mainframe. She didn’t want to ache with the rotting facility. And she definitely did not want to subject herself to that upload again. It already destroyed her once, she’s scared to even think about what would happen a second time. Her hands are violently trembling now, chest heavy. The cold air isn’t helping her breath at all. She glances back to Chell, still out, still beautiful. She wants to reach out, to hold her close, to tell her everything’s gonna be fine. She wants to tell Chell all of the things she never got to hear for herself. She wants Chell to be okay. To not be dead. Her mind fumbles around that word. What a concept. After all this time, the box was finally opened and the answer was life all along. 'What a stupid experiment,' Caroline thought. What a stupid experiment, Caroline was.

The orange clad woman shifted, coughing a bit as she woke. She hurt. God, did she hurt. She tried to stand, but quickly realized that just wasn’t an option. She looked up, expecting to see a bright yellow optic staring down at her, threatening to kill her, making jokes about what a fool she was; but no. The chassis still hung lifelessly, the ceramic faceplate in shards across the concrete. ‘Holy shit’, Chell thought to herself. Did the upload not work? Did that metal ball actually destroy the facility that much? Was she trapped here? How is she suppos-. Her thoughts were quickly cut short a she noticed the older woman propped against the wall. Chell closed her eyes. ’Thank god.’ she said to herself. She would never admit how she actually felt about the scientist; how the first human being she’s touched in centuries was once the same machine that almost killed her how many times now? How all she wanted to do was just hug her crumbling frame, tell her it’ll be okay, that they’ll make it out alive. All the things Chell never got to hear. Grief works in mysterious ways. She coughed again, unsure if the liquid sputtering out was phlegm or blood. Did that matter though? Surely this place would be the end of her, eventually. Between the tests, chemicals, asbestos, and the life long effects of literally being in space; she knew that if she didn't die here, right here, in this moment, the science would come back to eat her alive later. Aperture Laboratories worked like a cursed pirate ship- all ye who enter shall ne’er make it out. Dead men tell no tales.

But Chell wasn’t dead. And neither was GLaDOS. Caroline? Chell's unsure where the line gets drawn. This was the woman who wanted her dead, who mocked and poked and prodded; a woman who, by all means should not be alive right now. But she is, and she’s…sobbing? Oh. 

That’s new.

**Author's Note:**

> eeeeeeeee are ya feelin it now mr krabs cause i sure am


End file.
